#10 Waterfront Blues Festival

Towards the end of the glorious 80′s, a genius came up with this amazing idea: to bring the blues to Portland.  Although it initially didn’t create much of a spark throughout the state, it continued to grow throughout the 90′s and into the massive awesomeness that it is today.  National Blues musicians come through Portland, known for its music scene, to celebrate the 4th of July festival on the Waterfront.  There is no other festival in Portland that unites all music fans.

For those of you who have never been, let me describe it to you the best I can.  The Waterfront Blues Festival takes place around the weekend of July 4th.  Thousands of people gather on Tom McCall Waterfront park’s lawn to listen to the best blues artists in the nation.  There are three main stages along the Waterfront with workshop stages and a freakin Blues Cruise.  For those that enjoy fairesque food, you can never go wrong with the BBQ here.  The beer/wine stands are almost everywhere if you want to stay properly dehydrated.

Now, don’t think that people go to get hammered to celebrate Blooze Fest.  Never in my life have I seen someone get kicked out for fighting, puking or other general public drunkenness.  The alcohol monitors have made it there mission to open the Blues Fest for all ages.  This has always been a family friendly event, but I might advise against staying past 8 pm any given night.

Over the years I’ve met alot of people from almost every state visiting our Blues Fest.  As Portlanders, we provide a unique festival that we can share with other communities.  By inviting outsiders into our living room, we have the opportunity to promote our city and show everyone that we are a bunch of laid-back, music-lovin hippies.

First Thursday @ Lizard Lounge

I’ve been to so many First Thursdays and consider it one of the greatest ongoing events in Portland.  Of all the galleries, there is only one place that hosts the ultimate First Thursday experience.

Lizard Lounge has been holding these events since they first opened.  Each event showcases art and music from the Northwest.  Somehow, they also find a way to provide a massive amount of beer, wine and Red Bull to the thirsty visitors every First Thursday.  It is the ultimate party in the Pearl.  Here is a taste of what will be coming to Lizard Lounge this Thursday:

ART:  Derek Olsen is a painter, silk screener and tattoo artist currently working at Black Hole Tattoo & Body Piercing in Portland. He often paints as an attempt to better understand the things that inspire him…be it a flock of birds, Japanese wood block prints, old tattoo flash or a brass band marching down the street. Derek has a desire to comprehend what it is, how it makes him feel, and why it moves him. This show is a series of work ranging from small to large, with a set of free-standing privacy screens as a utilitarian way to make large scale artwork more accessible. Please enjoy his attempts at understanding. myspace.com/d2r23
Artist Reception Party May 7th 7-10pm

Live Music: Celilo
Celilo fuses the dark and dreamy indie city skylines with a drawling rural charm into moody Americana rock. The lead singer, Sloan, has beaten down vocals that travel on world-worn wisdom through barrooms, bedrooms, and back roads. Celilo summons up the driving pop of early Wilco and conjures the bleak beauty of Townes Van Zandt. celiloband.com

Benefit: Mercy Corps- 15% of all event proceeds go to Mercy Corps
Beer: Widmer Brothers Brewery
Bonus: 20% off all regular price merchandise from 7-10pm. (not to be combined with other offers)

For updates on their First Thursday events signup for their mailing list.

See you there!

#8 Powell’s Books

Ah, Powell’s. Wonderful Powell’s. For the Portland book lover, there is no better place. For many Portland visitors it is a must-see during their stay. Looking to impress your hippie friends with your mad mulching skills? Powell’s has it. Searching for the book that you told your date the night before that you just adored (but haven’t actually read)? Powells’ has it. Need to find “New Survey of the West-Indies: Being a Journal of Three Thousand and Three Hundred Miles Within the Main Land of America” by Thomas Gage? Powell’s has it!

Open 365 days a year, the original store was founded by Walter Powell in 1971. Inspired by his son Michael’s successful book store in Chicago, he founded the Burnside location which over the years grew, blob-style, into the surrounding buildings, eventually encompassing an entire block. Later, the Pearl district would grow, blob-style, around Powell’s.

You can wander the aisles forever, either just looking at titles, or asking the advice of the well-read employees. But is Powell’s just a giant book warehouse? No, no, no! They also have great book clubs, book signings, and other fun events. And if you are stuck out in a suburb, they have several other locations for your perusal. Also, in this economic recession, you can make a little bread (or store credit!) by selling your used books.

Powell’s is just tops, and it is truly one of the things that makes Portland such a fun place to live.

#7 BarFlyMag.com

When I first became of age in Portland, OR, Citysearch was the place for information about where to go Friday night.  I hated Citysearch.  It felt fake.  It made me believe that the only genuine reviews they had to offer were the over-the-top negative comments.  My knowledge of bars in my area and where I worked was limited.  Then I found Barflymag.com and my social life was changed forever.

As a naturally sarcastic person, who enjoys a stiff drink, I found that Barfly was tailored to me and the Portland community.  You see, Portlanders are not overly optimistic people.  We tend to think that if something is perfect then in reality we are actually blind to see its imperfections, thus making us depressed.  I think weather or KPTV Fox12 news has something to do with this depression as well.

When you first heard of a “$1 Pabst happy hour”, you immediately thought, “Oh, but it’s probably between 3:30-5:30 pm and you have to order food too and you have too…”.  Our pessimistic nature protects us from looking like an out-of-towner*.  Barfly was created to provide us inside knowledge about all the bars in Portland including details about happy hour prices. When considering an after work drink, Barfly is a great resource for what really is a good deal in my area.

In addition, Barfly provides extremely accurate reviews.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect upon my first trip to the Dixie Tavern until I read Barfly’s review:

“Half-assed Coyote Ugly wannabe swarms with meatheads on the make, while can-tanned girls-gone-mild clamber up on the bar to drop it like it’s lukewarm. When their mechanical bull is out, means of making an ass of oneself are upped exponentially.”

McFadden’s?

“A so-called “Irish pub” for the frat boy set, McFadden’s strives to be the large and vaguely antiseptic college bar Portland never really had. Weekends are a meat market with no cover before 10 PM and cheap drink specials practically guaranteed to lure underage women with fake IDs into improprieties. The crowd’s made up of suburbanites who’ve clearly dressed themselves carefully for the occasion, but the vibe can be fun nonetheless as DJs spin undeniably-danceable booty music into the wee hours.”

Love it.  Hell, one more, Gypsy:

“Ages ago, when Portland’s scenesters could be counted on two hands and space-age retro-futuristic interiors seemed thrillingly new/old, The Gypsy was the nervy pinnacle of a burgeoning northwest cool. And, to some sort of credit, we’re sure – they didn’t bother to change with the times. A separate dining room must, you’d imagine, be occasionally entered while the bar itself attracts the sort of folks aiming to avoid those upon the avenue that may judge stained sweat-shirts or particularly down-market bachelorette parties puking AMF fishbowls upon vintage booths.”

There isn’t a better site in this area to provide you with a true representation of what your experience will be.  If you completely hate Barfly, then read the community comments below.  They tend to include more colorful language, but generally the positives and negatives are right.  So next time, do yourself a favor and check out BarFlymag.com before you end up at The Agency.

*I’ve found that born and raised Portlanders (not Beavertrons, Greshamites, etc.) would rather kill themselves than be thought of as an “out of towner”

#6 Urban Iditarod

Definitions:
Iditarod – an important dogsled race run annually on the Iditarod Trail
Urban Iditarod – a human-led shopping kart race run annually through SE, NW and SW Portland bars.

“There are no winner, there are no losers, there are just a bunch of belligerent people.” KATU NEWS

The insanity of Portland’s urban iditarod can be best described by that KATU quote. In my experience, it’s much more. The winners are those who feature the best theme and costumes. You could also state that people who are blasted-out-of-their-minds are also winners. The losers are the ones who missed out and didn’t participate in one of the most awesome events in Portland.

On an early Spring morning (this year it is Saturday, March 14th), hundreds of teams gather under the Hawthorne bridge to consume mass quantities of alcohol. You will see drag queens, 80′s rock bands, frat dudes, tennis pros/hoes, cavemen, tv/movie characters teams huddled together by their appropriately themed shopping kart. As the starting line is drawn and the competitors finish their beers, you are privy to one of the biggest shit shows I can only imagine exists in a Real World/Road Rules Challenge times 100. Once that gun sounds, teams race towards the first pit stop, the Grand Cafe. With each stop, humans are encouraged to pound beverages and guide their sled to the next stop.

As the race continues, teams become noticeable more sloppy and progressively entertaining. This is where the fun begins. Entire streets seemingly shut down for the race, due to the hundreds of people stumbling around downtown. Drinks are shared and carts begin to intermingle. The “Nickelodeon Double Dare” team invites other racers to compete in physical challenges. The tennis pros/hoes befriend the neon wig wearing team. Harmony.

For those of you who have not taken part in the urban iditarod, you truly are missing out on one of the most entertaining things Portland has to offer.

#5 Stephanie Kralevich, KPTV Fox12

Watching the FOX12 weather report on Sunday, I could not help but be captivated by the most attractive lady in Portland news.  There are a bunch of stand-outs throughout our local news (including the MUST see KOIN’s Kacey Montoya), but Stephanie has the professionalism and poise of someone much older than her.

Born and raised in Gresham, OR, Stephanie has spent most of her broadcasting career in the Northwest until she received her degree in Broadcast Meterology from Mississippi State University.  Ultimately, StephKra’s knowledge for weather stuff, charisma and great smile brought her back to Portland, OR news.

Out of the hundred news personalities in Portland, what makes StephKra rule?

1. Mark Nelson isn’t talking
2. The lisp machine is at home
3. Her smile melts snow

StephKra comes across as a sweet and honest newscaster, as opposed to the whores at other stations.  What do you think?

Anna Song, KATU
Katherine Cook, KGW
Kacey Montoya, KOIN
Tracy Barry, KGW
Wayne Garcia, KPTV
Stephanie Kralevich, KPTV

#4 Backspace

Let’s face it Portlanders, we aren’t hip. Sure, we try very hard to be “with the times” and even have some ink in a places we are able to cover up in the work place. If I’m describing you, then you’re in luck. Backspace Lounge is the one place in Portland you can go to be hip for a couple of minutes. Backspace is a mecca for the hip crowd and unless you’ve been there… you aren’t hip.

Located in the heart* of Old Town/Chinatown, Backspace draws a crowd of people from all over Portland. It’s cozy, with comfy couches, cool art (each month they feature a local artist) and Stumptown Coffee – in my opinion, the best roaster in this city. At night, it becomes the premiere music scene showcasing an array of talent. Essentially, Backspace IS the art hub of Portland.

Backspace rules, because even though I’m not hip, i feel like i am when i go in there. The baristas are so frickin hip that they could screw up my order and I wouldn’t care. If you are looking for one place that will tailor to your coffee, art, music, beer (at night) and WiFi needs, you will never go wrong with Backspace.

Backspace Music Calendar

*Yes, I know. Portland has a lot of places located in the heart of things.

#3 Recesstime Sports League

I’m not very sure about the history of Recesstime Sports Leagues, but I’m pretty sure I freakin’ love it.

I think it first began with a vision (they always do). Creative genius, Colleen W. Finn, had a serious passion for drinking and athletics. Then, in one masterful conception, she found a way to unite the two for this current generation.

21-35 year olds don’t want to bowl for money because we all still suck at it… but will if its for free pitchers of beer. The thought of playing kickball, a “sport” we grew up with, would seem ridiculously boring… unless we got drunk doing it! Even dodgeball, the “sport” that alienates awkward children from the confident children, now seems perfectly matched after shotgunning some beers. Finn has provided an outlet for us to share in camaraderie and whiskey shots.

In Fall of 2006, I had my first taste of Recesstime Bowling. Our bowling team name was simple… but our implementation was legendary. We were by far the most mediocre team consistently finishing middle of the pack. This tradition would continue throughout the next couple of seasons. Our crowning achievement was winning a trophy for being champions of the consolation bracket.* Ultimately, winning didn’t really matter because Recesstime Bowling gave us single-people something to look forward to during the work week.

Now, Recesstime Sports Leagues are the largest sports and social league in Portland with over 5,000 players competiting. From their league organization, right down to the smooth and easy online registration, Recesstime Sports Leagues has figured out how to unite Portlanders looking to connect with nostalgic social recreational activities.

* Also known as the winners of all the other losers

#2 Karaoke From Hell

Most of you have been exposed to what I consider, the single greatest thing in Portland- Karaoke From Hell. Now, I’m not sure what part of it is from Hell, but if you want a perfect karaoke experience, there are none better. Portland is an amazing town, and you need to visit Karaoke From Hell at the Tiger Bar to complete your Portland initiation.

Since 1993, Karaoke From Hell has rocked the downtown (and Lake Oswego downtown) community. The premise is very simple: you perform* karaoke in front of their live band. Hits such as “Don’t Stop Believing”, “Boots Were Made for Walking”, “Ziggy Stardust” and “Last Dance with Mary Jane” can be performed with a talented music ensemble. No longer must you be subjected to the pain of air guitar, when you have your own guitarist performing with you.

Karaoke From Hell also performs at Dante’s Monday night to packed audiences, but I recommend the Tiger Bar for the shorter wait period. Also, who gets karaoke-performance-drunk on a Monday?

Karaoke From Hell begins at 9:30 every Thursday:
Tiger Bar
317 NW Broadway
Portland, OR 97209

KFH begins at 10:00ish every Monday:
Dante’s
1 SW 3rd
Portland, OR 97204

*singin’ AND dancin’

#1 Brandon Roy

Brandon Roy is an American professional basketball player with the Portland Trailblazers. Born and raised in the Seattle area, BRoy spent his collegiate years leading the Washington Huskies with teammate, Nate Robinson. After playing four years as a Husky, he reached the Sweet Sixteen twice averaging 20.2 points a game in his last appearance. Fortunately for Portland, this led to a 6th overall pick that the Minnesota Timberwolves would trade for our overall 7th pick, Randy Foye (Who?).

As a rookie for the Portland Trailblazers, BRoy earned 2006 -07 NBA Rookie of the Year* and a selection to the All-Star Weekend Rookie Challenge. The R.O.T.Y.’s impact was felt throughout the league and the Blazers had faith that Roy’s presence would bring luck to the 2007 NBA Lottery draft. The Trailblazers won the #1 pick in the lottery despite only a 5.3% chance.

In the 2007-2008 season, BRoy stepped it up as a sophomore. BRoy decided to improve on his R.O.T.Y. performance by playing in the first 48 games averaging 19.7 points, 5.8 assists and 4.6 rebounds. This earned BRoy his first NBA All-Star game appearance. Although the Blazers would not make it to the playoffs that year, the team did improve to a .500 record.

In his third season, Brandon Roy has become the team leader in points, assists, steals and a consecutive appearance to the NBA All-Star game.  The nation’s media has taken notice with this once troubled franchise being resurrected from the grave. For the first time in a decade, the entire City of Portland has turned over their trust to Roy for revitalizing BlazerMania (Okay, Pritchard gets some credit too). His patience and dedication to the Blazers and City of Portland has earned #7 the title of #1 Things About Portland That Rule.

*Due to injuries, BRoy played in the second-fewest games for a Rookie of the Year. Tied for first are Patrick Ewing and Vince Carter.